Baler: Of Conquering Fears and Winning Over It

This weekend is one of the most special for me. It has been a while since I went to somewhere with a set of really close friends. We went to Baler, Aurora. 

Many first happened to me during this weekend in Baler - first time to cross a body of water by foot, first time to swim in a falls, first time to surf, first time to climb a tree (sort of) and first time to be inside of it (the tree).

Growing up in the city, I never really had a chance to do this. And primarily, the reason why I am scared of trying unfamiliar things. But I have to, so at least once in my lifetime, I can tell I have done those.

Crossing the stream to get to the mother falls is the first hurdle. And as if going there is not difficult enough, getting near the dam and the falls is yet another challenge. I am afraid of getting drown, but I need to let go. I did, I almost did it. 

Surfing was the next. I accepted the fact that I will never get to enjoy it. It would be too hard for me. And so I thought. The first few waves are really nerve wrecking. Smashing both a huge amount of sea water and the board on your face. The first time the instructor had to let go of my board, the speed of the wave made me panic. But then I got the hang of it. And so I made it. Little by little, I got to stand and balance. I did. It was not that hard as I think it was. 

Balete tree got my hesitation. I never want to come in and never want to climb.  But then I tried. I did it. And it was fun.

I was born and raised in the city. I am a city boy as what everyone calls me the whole trip. The concrete jungle made me the coward that I was and am today. The countryside is there to take that cowardice away from me. Baler did its part. And I want to believe other provinces will, in the future. 

Baler made me realize, that in order to see the goodness of life, you have to be brave, you have to cross rivers of fears, to plunge into deep waters of doubt, and ride the waves of failure. You have to conquer it.

I did. I believe so.

2013: Of Endings and New Beginnings

In just a while, we'll bid 2013 goodbye. And so, I am now looking back on what this year had offered me.

It was in this year that I started to learn, and love, a new sport - running. I am and never was a physically active person, but this year, I chose to push myself a little more. I was able to run for 4 running events this year - a 5k fun run, two 10k runs and a 5k with 7 obstacles.it was also the first time I was able to participate in a company sporting event, again in running.

This year was also a year of big decision. A decision that made me both excited and sad. I ended my 5 year tie with the company which allowed me to live my dreams. A decision to give up a lot of things, including chances of going back to Japan. But it was also a decision that made me a better me, both personally and careerwise. It made me see life in a different perspective.

2013 was also the year I first attended a "non-echo" SFC ICon. It was one weekend I will never forget. A chance that made me "belong" to my younger brothers and sisters in the community.

This year has been a year of thrills and happiness. A year of stresses and heartaches. A year of endings and new beginnings.

And as we usher to 2014, the year I'll turn 30, I pray that the Lord will grant me new blessings, new happy memories, new beginnings. Sure there'll be challenges, but sure will get through it.

On How The World Sees Me

I grew up in the world where greatness of a man is measured on the physicals - how good he is in basketball, how tall he'll be,  how gwapo and macho he'll become. 

On these premises, the world had judged me - I am not one of them.

I remember I never had a single game of basketball, because they won't allow me to. I am too short, I am too weak. It was in grade six that I had a chance to hold a basketball for the very first time, in a P.E. class. But I never was allowed to play a single game, because I don't know how to play, I can't even dribble. I thought it will be the time that I'll learn how to play the game, after all, the class was there for us to learn, but it was not, because I am not one of them. I am the least. And on that aspect, I was. 

I am short and was underweight. My chest protrudes (I was born with what they call "pigeon chest") and my posture was bad. That alone is a proof to them I am not one of them. I am the least.

I have crooked teeth. I once asked my parents to have braces to correct it but they told me I shouldn't. That would be my lucky charm, they say. I guess they were wrong. In the eyes of many, I am not lucky to have it. I am the least.

 My eyesight was bad, I have to wear glasses. I thought that's cool, but it wasn't. In the eyes of many, it made me look even worst. I am a nerd, a dork. I am the least. 

Few years before turning 30, my hair started to get thin. I thought it would make me look sexy, but it wasn't. I never was associated with whatever has to do with the sex appeal. I am the least.

Insecurities made my life as a child empty, and now grown up, still haunts me.

I tried achieving more in school, work and even in the service. I thought, probably when I get good grades, or perform good at work and service, they'll see me as one of them. But it wasn't, because they continuously judge people on the way he look. I tried to be the greatest, but the world keeps on telling me I am not.

I know I should not feel this, I want to believe the world is lying on me. And they'll soon see me the otherwise. It is no longer in me to prove that, I had proven them enough. 

Sisters and Me

Disclaimer: I am never a fan of movies and movie house doesn't give me thrills, actually it gives me goosebumps. 

Last night, I give in to the pangungulit (err, pangpupuwersa) of my best buddies and sisters in SFC, ate cla and ate pm, to go out on a movie date. We watched 4 Sisters and a Wedding. 

I want to share my take on the movie. 

Growing with 5 sisters, I may say, I've been seeing myself in Enchong's character the whole movie. I may not be the bunso, but I've always been treated as one.

It reminded me of my own sisters. Like them in the movies, we had our own share of stories, we set our own goals, we have our own priorities, to the point we've never realized we've been growing apart. But like them as well, when time comes we need to stick together, we do stick together. I think that's the reality of siblings growing up. It is not unique, it is the story of each one of us.

I have never been this expressive with my sisters, but to tell you honestly, I considered texting them last night to tell them I missed them.

So now I want to tell these to my sisters: I love you and I am grateful to the Lord I have the 5 of you. I am sorry if sometimes I failed to be the brother you deserve to have. 

PS: I was joking last night na ngayon palang naawa na ko sa magiging girl friend ko. Hindi malabong ganun ka-OA magiging reaction ng mga kapatid ko. :p

One-Two

Was browsing through some old pictures, and I had never been this nostalgic.

It has been almost a year now since I left Japan for good after that 2 fruitful years of living the life I had never imagined I will live. Two years of independence, of fulfillment and of life to the fullest. One year, and yet memories still fresh. I never had fall out of love for this country.

I miss every single detail of my life there. My Yoshinocho room to Minato Mirai office. From my SFC family to my colleagues-cum-partners-in-crime. Our endless gala, four seasons, and new learnings.

Two years. It's just so long for some. For me, it is just enough, or should I say, a bit short.

One year is just too long. Or maybe, I am just missing it. O yes I am, badly.

I have lived a dream. And I hope i can live it again, soon.