1.3 Score

Three days to go and I will be leaving my silver year. I'll be turning 26 on Thursday.

26 years had been, but if you'd be looking back, not a major climax was reached. Simply, a score and 6 years of living on the safer side of life - no thrills, no adventures, no nothing, just plain stupidity. Mr. nice guy who doesn't even know how the world looks like.

I still feel the emptiness inside me.
Alone, lonely, tired.

All these years, I'm busy loving something else, I don't complain. But I forgot someone important to love - myself.

I remember I even hated myself for choosing to be the "unpopular" in school. Bullied, because many think I am nerd or worst gay, and never fight back. Never had a single "night out" with friends in college. Never courted a girl and therefore never got into a romantic relationship.

I was busy studying hard, because I am pressured with the responsibility my family is pressing on me. I was busy impressing my friends. I was busy earning money. I was busy hoping my one true love to come my way. I was busy dreaming my dreams.

I was busy loving something else I forgot to love myself back.

I am tired of loving and not receiving a counter love. Call it selfishness, but I think that is what I need most.

PS: It doesn't mean I will not continue loving those things I loved. I would still want to be Mr. Nice Guy. My point here is that I want to feel loved. They can't give that to me, I will give it to myself.

PS2: Above being in love with myself, I want to fall in love more deeply to my Father-King.

Fast Forward

Mag-aalas dose na ng gabi, pero di ako dalawin ng antok. Sa totoo, kanina e inaantok na ako, kaya lang ng matapos ko ang lahat ng ritwal ko bago matulog, nawalang bigla ang antok ko, di ko alam kung bakit.

Biglang pumasok sa aking isipan ang hinaharap. Ang hinaharap na walang kasiguraduhan.

Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong nakikipag-bargain sa Panginoon. Please Lord, bigyan mo naman ako ng pagkakataong maexperience ang magkaroon ng sariling pamilya. Pero parang pelikulang ibinabalik saking isipan ang mga kaganapan ng nakaraan. Kailangan ka ng pamilya mo, ika Nya.

Para bagang hinihiling nyang pagsilbihan ko ng buong buhay ko ang aking pamilya.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang plano Mo sa aking hinaharap, sabi ko nga sa Iyo, tanggap ko na kung sakaling gayun ang plano Mo pero sana po, kung pwede ko namang pang ihabol, please po....

Looking Forward for a Brighter Philippines

Nakakatuwa ang mga kaganapan ngayon sa Pilipinas. Nakakatuwang matagumpay na nairaos ang halalan. Nakakatuwang mabilis na lumalabas ang resulta, at kahit medyo may aberya sa ibang lugar, pangkalahatan e naging matiwasay ang halalan.

Nakakatuwang isipin na madaling natanggap ng mga kandidatong natalo ang kanilang pagkatalo sa halalan. Sabi nga kanina sa news, dahil sa Automated Elections, mukhang natutunan din ng mga Pilipino ang salitang "concede".

Sana ay tuloy tuloy na ang pagbabago. Sana nga ito na ang panahong matagal na hinintay ng mga Pilipino. Sana nga ito na ang panahong hindi na mangangamba ang mga Pilipino sa kaguluhan, sa karahasan at sa kahirapan. Sana ito na ang simula ng magandang bukas. Sana.

Money Talk

To tell you frankly, I was deeply offended when I heard the news.

My mama told me awhile ago during a video call that the cousins of my father are asking my youngest sister where did we get the money for the hospitalization, wake and burial of my maternal grandmother.

Opo, di na kami mayaman, pero ano ngayon? Kaya nga ako nagtatrabaho diba? Pati ang mama at mga kapatid ko?

Di ko kailangang mangutang sa inyo. Meron akong pera.

At opo, maraming nagmamahal sa lola ko. Sa dami ng mga kamag-anak na tinulungan ng pamilya ko, sa poder ng mama, lalong higit sa poder ng papa, di katataka na marami ang tumulong.

Noong panahong maunlad ang kabuhayan naming pamilya, di naman kami nagdamot diba? At alam kong isa kayo sa mga nakinabang sa amin. Di po ako nanunumbat, nagsasabi lang ako ng nararamdaman ko. Nakaka-offend po kasi. Maari din namang hindi ganun ang intensyon nyo, sana lang e di nyo na lang tinanong.

Technology Binds Us Together

The recent passing away of my maternal grandmother proved me that no matter the distance maybe, the heart of of a family never fails to seek ways.

It was a long weekend here in Japan. I cancelled all my schedule (saturday: premium philippine fiesta, sunday: SFC teaching and Curry Rice Patrol, Monday: Prases ASS (as in Prases Adventure Sa Sea) coined by kuya Marius) to always be here at home, online so that my family can call me anytime.

Online Burol. That is where I am right now. My family didn't want me to go home for lola's wake so the next best thing that I can do is to be there virtually. Thanks to Skype.

Somehow, I manage to be updated on what is happening back home. Somehow, I am present at this latest family reunion. Reunions that only happen when someone passes away.

I had my farewell to lola using Skype when she was already battling death at the hospital. And now I am bidding her goodbye, while her physical remains lie a time zone away, using this virtual bridge.

Thank God for the technology. Thank God for the Engineers and Technologists who invented these. Thank God I never missed Lola's wake. But surely, I will miss my Lola Luring.