Three days to go and I will be leaving my silver year. I'll be turning 26 on Thursday.
26 years had been, but if you'd be looking back, not a major climax was reached. Simply, a score and 6 years of living on the safer side of life - no thrills, no adventures, no nothing, just plain stupidity. Mr. nice guy who doesn't even know how the world looks like.
I still feel the emptiness inside me.
Alone, lonely, tired.
All these years, I'm busy loving something else, I don't complain. But I forgot someone important to love - myself.
I remember I even hated myself for choosing to be the "unpopular" in school. Bullied, because many think I am nerd or worst gay, and never fight back. Never had a single "night out" with friends in college. Never courted a girl and therefore never got into a romantic relationship.
I was busy studying hard, because I am pressured with the responsibility my family is pressing on me. I was busy impressing my friends. I was busy earning money. I was busy hoping my one true love to come my way. I was busy dreaming my dreams.
I was busy loving something else I forgot to love myself back.
I am tired of loving and not receiving a counter love. Call it selfishness, but I think that is what I need most.
PS: It doesn't mean I will not continue loving those things I loved. I would still want to be Mr. Nice Guy. My point here is that I want to feel loved. They can't give that to me, I will give it to myself.
PS2: Above being in love with myself, I want to fall in love more deeply to my Father-King.